Things I don't understand

Monday, February 26, 2007

Kids Should Never Be in Charge of Anything

Take a look at this photo, please:

See anything odd about it?

Couple of things have happened here:

• Someone has put a rolling pin in my t-shirt drawer. (And lined my t-shirt drawer with ugly shelf paper)
• Someone has put my t-shirts in the drawer in the kitchen with the dish rags and rolling pin
• A kid was asked to put away clean and folded laundry and this is what s/he came up with as a solution

If you guessed the last two, why, you get a prize! And now maybe you can tell me why one of my kids decided that my t-shirts were not worthy to be in my drawer anymore.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

So Very Meta

Google News violates copyright by reporting on how Google News violates copyright.

recursive (adj.) see recursive

Head asplodes.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I Have No Idea What It’s Like Outside Right Now

And I don’t think OS X’s weather widget knows, either.

This is my weather widget right now:

Is it rain? Sleet? Freezing something? Some freakish snow like stuff that bounces and will kill us all with its rubber-y ways?

The Inuit probably have a word for what’s happening, but heck if I can tell. Barring just getting up from my desk, walking upstairs and outside, that is. But who wants to do that? It’s cold outside!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Alpha-Geek Does Not Mean Boy Genius

At work, I’m the Alpha Geek. They guy who has all the answers as far as computers go. That’s demonstrably NOT true, since I currently can’t track down a memory leaking app on my Mac Pro right now, but I do tend to know a whole lot of stuff about how computers and specifically about how Mac computers work. Comes from not dating much in high school and an unhealthy obsession with technology and Macs in particular. People ask me tech support type questions ranging from “why did my Adobe Illustrator unexpectedly quit?” to “why is the Internet faster downstairs?” The answer to those questions is: “Could be that you have 2763 fonts open” and “I’m doubtful about that,” since everyone is on the same switch and speed on the internet is totally subjective, mostly.

But I get asked about all sorts of things, because being the SysAdmin means you know everything, apparently. True, I sometimes know the answer to esoteric Mac and technology questions (What processor was in the Quadra 840AV? Easy one! Motorola 68040 which ran at 40 MHz, plus it had a cool DSP chip to offload voice synthesis stuff. Which never really took off. Sad.)

Anyway.

Sometimes I don’t know the answer. And people get bugged. Seriously. They are annoyed with me because I don’t know something. They aren’t annoyed that *they* don’t know the answer right off, but it’s a national tragedy if I don’t immediately know what the deal-io is.

So herewith is a small list of the MANY things that I know next to NOTHING about. In particular, these are things that plug in that I don’t really understand:

• Electro-cardiograms
• Your stereo
• The furnace at work
• How iRoomba’s do their thing
• Windows ME
• How to re-create Google Maps on your personal site
• HDTV
• Lasers and robots
• Amps, Volts and Ohms
• L*A*B color
• The Prius

Technically, the Prius doesn’t doesn’t plug in, but I do not know how it’s braking-into-energy thing works.

So, if you need answers to those questions, go someplace else. I’ll do my best, but I can’t know everything. Especially the Windows ME thing. Ugh.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

E-Mail is NOT FTP

Know what? When your content managment system gives you the option of e-mailing a 163 MB file, you might need to re-think the way it sends files.

‘Cause I don’t know about you, but my mailbox? Not that large.

Yes, I’m very busy this week.

 

Novus

Proximus

 

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.