Things I don't understand

Monday, April 14, 2008

I Am Nothing If Not a Faithful and Humble Servant

Me: Jonah, what do you want for breakfast?

Jonah (9): A Toaster Strudel.

Me: Oh, we have those?

Jonah: Yes, in the freezer, on the bottom shelf. One please. The toaster is still downstairs in Lucas’ room. Cook it on medium until it pops up. Once it’s done, spread the frosting on lengthways, not across the toaster strudel. Thanks.

Me: Anything else you require, my liege?

Jonah: That’ll do for now.

Don’t tell him, but I spelled out, “Persnickety little goober head” in frosting BEFORE I spread it all around and handed it over. 

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Nice Save, My Friend

Driving in the car last night:

Jonah (9): I am a mouse, eating a sandwich! [Never mind why he said this, as he is sometimes prone to random, goofy outbursts; let’s just go with it.]

Lucas (13): Your Mom is a mouse eating a sandwich. [a variation on the whole Napoleon Dynamite “Your Mom goes to college!” extravaganza. Oy. Freaking. Vey. Somebody kill me now.]

Reha (from the driver’s seat, with a tone in her voice): What did you say?

Lucas: Well, Mom, mice are cute. And you are cute. And, um, uh… sandwiches are delicious!

Me: Well played, buddy. Well played.

Friday, August 10, 2007

More Apple Nitwittery

Apple recently added a small “Web 2.0ish” feature to iTunes. See here. Basically, you can get some code which will allow you to show a badge on your site (or myspace page, gak) of your most recent purchase in iTunes. Or items you have have rated highly. Or music reviews you have published on iTunes.

All well and good, I suppose. Though “currently enjoying” and nabbing the most recently played items might also be ginchy. But fine, Apple wants to pimp iTunes purchase, I got no problem with this.

Except this dome scratcher here:

Apple offers a RSS feed of your most recent purchases “to stay up-to-date with your iTunes activity.”

OK, I guess, except what makes Apple think that somehow I personally wasn’t up-to-date on what I had purchased recently from iTunes? Am I so busy or buying so much music that I need an RSS feed to keep track of that? “What did I buy yesterday? I can’t recall off hand… I better check my handy RSS feed! Oh look! I did buy “All the Hits!” by Tito Jackson. I guess I don’t need to buy that again. Thanks, Apple!”

*rolls eyes*

Or maybe some coder in the iTunes dept. was doing some “drunk clicking” and went on a drunken spree. So she whipped up an RSS feed she could check easily once she got up the next morning and know what she had done late at night.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

You Don’t Want to Have the Coupler in the Wrong Place with Your Magnetism

Friend of mine works for an ISP. A few months ago he sent me over this MP3 of a recorded call to their tech support line.

I share it with you now, A) because it's just so freaking hilarious, B) I'm kind of busy with work type stuff, and C) holy crap, it's head scratchingly, bewilderingly funny.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Room for Improvement

We are going over Jonah’s school mandated goals for the next term. He has to come up with them himself, but we try and help out.

Me: Jonah, how about you set a goal to not argue so much?

Jonah: Dad, I never argue.

Proximus

 

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.