Friday, March 02, 2007

Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake

Copied and pasted from an actual inter-office IM conversation between me and our (new) receptionist at work yesterday morning.

Jon: hey LouLou.... (ed. note: not her real name. Her real name is Tori and she’s too embarrassed to be seen here, so I’m changing it.)

LouLou: hi

Jon: I’m expecting a couple FedEx packages today

LouLou: Alright.

Jon: So I’m going to need you to be on “Team Jon” and not abandon your post up front

LouLou: I’ll do my best

Jon: See, the players on “Team Jon” are dedicated

LouLou: Definitely.

Jon: do you think you have what it takes to be on Team Jon?

LouLou: I hope so. . .

Jon: it’s a high honor
Jon: only given to the best and the brightest
Jon: and to people who sit in your chair

LouLou: Oh wow. . . this is a great honor.

Jon: absolutely
Jon: and let’s talk about the benefits of being on Team Jon for a second, shall we?
Jon: First off… there is a the honor
Jon: of just being a team member
Jon: I mean
Jon: that alone… it’s worth the price of admission
Jon: but THAT IS NOT ALL!
Jon: There are t-shirts!
Jon: You can have your choice of t-shirts from my bottom drawer at home. Most have even been laundered recently!
Jon: and
Jon: if you are an OUTSTANDING member of Team Jon ... that is… if you perform your Team Jon duties with distinction… well ... there may be a mug/coffee cup in YOUR future

LouLou: Oh wow.
LouLou: Those are great reasons.

Jon: See!
Jon: So… stiff upper lip and all that… Carry on with your Telephonic Answering and Assistant type duties
Jon: those are important as well
Jon: I guess. If you have to and the phone rings

LouLou: Yes sir!

Jon: On Team Jon… The FedEx Guy… he is your REASON FOR LIVING. It’s vital that he not come to the door, peek in and see an empty reception desk. He’ll immediately assume we’ve gone out of business, turn on his little FedEx purple and orange heels, and sashay back to his truck with Team Jon’s packages, without ringing the bell nor even leaving one of those “We missed you” notes. The FedEx Guy IS NOT ON TEAM JON.
Jon: and your husband and stuff like that, I suppose you can live for him as well
Jon: if you must

LouLou: So, what you’re saying is. . . I should have married the FedEx guy, right?
LouLou: It would have made my life a whole lot easier

Jon: that would have been EXEMPLARY Team Jon performance, yes
Jon: for that we would have given you a gift certificate to Chuck-o-Rama
Jon: or Sizzler
Jon: your choice

LouLou: Oh wow, those are both great places
LouLou: Top of the line

Jon: nothing but the best for Team Jon “Stars”

FedEx came. Packages signed for. Though not everything I was expecting. Three Mac Book Pros won’t come until this afternoon. “Shipment Exception.” Stupid FedEx hates me. What’s with all the hate, FedEx? Tori LouLou gets a gold star on her official Team Jon Helmet, especially for being so nice about my chaining her to the receptionist desk. Though I am sorry she got a urinary tract infection from not being able to go to bathroom to pee yesterday afternoon. That was unfortunate, though predictable.

Jon scribbled this mess on 03/02/07 at 12:03 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post Favorite Entries. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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