Monday, March 10, 2008
The Big Five!
Ellis officially turned five last Saturday.
We haven’t had her party yet, because Reha has a case going to trial this week, so she’s been crazy busy and I’ve been trying and failing to hold forth on all domestic fronts of late. Quick status report for the month: laundry: done, kids: bathed, dinner: can’t handle it, calling Pizza Hut (again). Chaos level in the house: High
Anyway.
Holy crap.
My littlest (and last) baby is FIVE years old!
And Carrie turns 18 this summer and will be going off to college in the fall.
Um.
I’m not sure how she’s going to do that, because I swear to you, I was just changing her diapers a few days ago. She CAN NOT be old enough to leave our nest and go to FREAKING college in another state.
This is a tragedy.
<write your own cliche-ridden and angst-y paragraph about how time passes so very quickly and paste it here, I just can’t />
Seriously.
My name is Jon and I do NOT approve of time passing any quicker.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be over in the corner, being all weepy while leafing through old photo albums.
Ellis, 5 or 6 months old. Where has all the time gone?!
Ellis, just couple weeks ago at lunch with me.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Random Out-of-Context/No-Context Quotes, Winter Edition
All real quotes. Only slightly edited to obscure identities.
- He’s a great guy once you get past the “is he going to rape me?” part.
- That’s why you have hair there.
- The dog is for warmth, the cat is for eating.
- Yes, I’m totally on your side, but I have to disagree with everything you just said.
- I can’t make it to that meeting then. But ping me back later next week. [Included only because I loathe the use of the term “ping” in this context. It grates. Plus, the guy was a total douche-fest with perfect hair, shiny shoes and a square chin. That also grates, but not as much as saying “ping me later on that.”]
- It’s like paying to see an Adam Sandler movie, in that we are all dumber now for having had that conference call.
- I’d like Hillary more if she stopped channeling Cruella de Vil when she laughs.
- Smell my finger, please.
- Jeepers Cripes, this place is so cold my nipples are showing through this sweater.
- I got poked on Facebook. Where is the button to turn that off?
- Give it [an image in Photoshop] that old-world charm look.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Star Wars vs. Saul Bass
Very cool.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Basic Anatomy Class at the Deal Family Compound
Ellis: Mom, what are those?
Reha: Um, they are my breasts? [She had just gotten out of the shower and Ellis walked into the bathroom.]
Ellis: Those things on your breasts, Mommy. The pipples?
Reha: Nipples, Ellis. They are N-I-P-P-L-E-S.
Tune in next week, when we start telling her about the differences between boys and girls.
“Mommy, Jonah is a boy and he has jonads!”
Favorite Entries
If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.
- Help Wanted
- From the Office of Mis-directed Email
- A Word from the Small Person in the House
- RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
- Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
- Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
- A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
- We Regret the Error
- Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
- What I Did There
- Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
- Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
- Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
- I Need a Real Hobby
- Beat Down
- Big Fat Lies
- True Love
- Now MY Ovaries Hurt
- Don’t Get Her Started
- Disturbing Trend
- Had to do it
- Mooshy stuff
- Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
- Diva-licious!
- Just so we’re clear
- PETA may have a point
Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!
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Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?
©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.