Friday, December 21, 2007

Letter From Mine Offspring, Traveling Hither and Yon

Carrie wrote me an email last night. She’s in Mississippi with the rest of the clan. They went early and I have stayed home alone for a couple days.

My Esteemed Father,

An it please you, would it perchance be possible to take yon ethernet cable and put it into thy travel bag forthwith? This is a godforsaken land wherein the sanctity of WiFi is absent. Fie on thee if thou wouldst deny thy daughter the simple pleasure of a blue cable!

Most earnest thanks,
Your loving daughter,
Anhilda.

Post Script: We are continually in hopes that thou hast not sullied thyself by entering the bawdy houses of women of ill repute.

Will I be taking our little WiFi setup with me in my suitcase?

Um, yeah.

And not just because I wouldn’t have connectivity when I get there on Sunday, of course. I’m not a selfish man, I’m doing it for the kids!

Jon scribbled this mess on 12/21/07 at 08:59 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

OEOB On Fire! Everybody Panic!

In case you didn’t happen to watch the news this morning, the Eisenhower Old Executive Office Building caught on fire this morning. The OEOB is home to many White House staffers and is also home to the Vice-President’s ceremonial office. Firefighters contained the fire to the third floor and though authorities right now will only say they believe the fire started in a “phone box” or “electrical closet,” we here at Ransom Note Typography know what really happened:

The machine that recharges Dick Cheney exploded. While trying to give himself some extra juice in order to gear up for war with Iran, he miscalculated the process and ”BOOM!” the whole place was engulfed in flames.

He was also blown to pieces, but luckily the blueprints for putting him back together are kept in a secure, undisclosed location. They had him back up and running and ranting about “the grave Iranian threat to peace and stability in the region” within an hour of the incident. Darth Cheney lives again!

The President had no official comment on the incident, but privately was elated and hoped the promised upgrades to “Darth Dick” were installed this go around.

Ransom Note Typography, your online source for un-varnished news and information since I started spinning facts out of whole cloth a little while ago.

Jon scribbled this mess on 12/19/07 at 10:31 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Yeah, I LOL’ed

Jon scribbled this mess on 12/15/07 at 12:02 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Friday, December 14, 2007

What Passes for Civility

Jonah (nine year old whip-smart beast of a boy), from the other room: OW! OW! OW! That HURTS! That’s my BUTT!

He’s more annoyed than actually hurt, this much we can tell, but he is being very loud.

Parental Unit: Jonah, you don’t need to be so loud. And please try not to use the word “butt,” it’s pretty rude when you shout it like that. And whoever is bugging him: LEAVE. HIM. ALONE.

Ever resourceful, Jonah has come up with a different word for his tush: it is now his “however.”

As in, “I fell down on my ‘however’ and it is very sore.”

“Don’t touch my ‘however’ that is a private place on my body.”

“Stop it! You big however-head!”

Stupid English language and its homonyms. Although I used his “solution” this morning:

“Get your ‘however’ in here right now and brush your teeth!”

Jon scribbled this mess on 12/14/07 at 10:02 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Dialogue

A few lines of dialog I wrote a long time ago, from a short story I never finished. Found on an ancient zip disk. Slightly edited.

“Yes, she definitely wears that shirt a lot. She wears it at least twice a week. You know how I know that she wears it that often? Because that is the shirt with the deep V-neck and, depending on any number of factors such as wind speed, the angle of the sun, barometric pressure and her being RIGHT in front of you, you can ABSOLUTELY see her almost her entire chest. It practically plunges down to her navel and allows easy discernment the brand names of her bras. Bali most days and La Perla if she’s going to a client meeting. Seriously, that shirt should be illegal, that’s how revealing it is. So, you know why I notice that sort of thing and why I can tell you that she wears it at least once a week and that she wore it yesterday? Because I’m a GUY and guys notice things like women’s breasts. We like them. We notice them. We even admire them, though generally we try not to be all creepy about it and stare at them. But if you think I’m not going to notice when they are practically invading my personal space bubble, then you are absolutely off your rocker. Plus, the shirt is a nice green color and it sets off her eyes nicely.”

Jon scribbled this mess on 12/13/07 at 09:47 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Stuff that's not true (fiction) Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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