Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Partnering with Satan for World Peace

(I know this isn’t my usual fair, but I just had to say something. Back to regularly scheduled “stuff” tomorrow.)

Sun has become an OEM for Microsoft’s Server products. Specifically the x64 stuff.

See here or here.

That noise you just heard was every old bearded UNIX guy crapping a brick and tossing his cookies.

I’m sure many other people who are far more qualified to speak on this subject will have something to say about it, but I just have this to say:

Remember SGI? How back in the 90s they licensed Windows and sold high end workstations, running NT?

Where is SGI now?

Now, the two situations are not exactly analogous; Sun is probably much healthier than SGI ever was, but dang. As if Sun didn’t already have enough problems having to compete with both Linux and Windows, now they have to go toe to toe with the likes of Dell in the Windows server market? Are you kidding me? I’m no fan of Dell products, but Sun will die a death by a zillion tiny cuts in the form of lost sales, because it seems like trying to compete with Dell on cost is a non-starter. And how will Sun differentiate themselves from Dell? Support? Coolness of the box? What? I’m not seeing it.

It’s like they have partnered with Satan with the express purpose of bringing about World Peace, but we all know how those deals with the devil end up. The devil always wins.

Sun, please don’t forget, the same people you are in league with now are the same folks that brought the world this:

*shudder*

Searching Craigslist Even as We Speak

We found the Beast from Hell.

It was creeping across the floor in the living room.

There is a small urine stain on the carpet where I happened to be standing when we saw it.

We are replacing the carpet with hardwood floors anyway, so that’s OK, I guess.

The entire family (except me, who refused to go) went out to Pet Smart and got supplies/cage/vittles for the thing.

They took the tarantula with them so s/he could help pick out cages.

They came back and cooed while the thing devoured and sucked the life out of a poor, defenseless cricket.

They have named it “Christmas” or “Jasmine” depending on who you ask what its name is.

I am currently doing IntarWeb searches for a small apartment that is affordable, close to work and close to our house. (Ha!)

These people are all totally bonkers and I’m pretty sure I can’t live under the same roof as that thing.

That is all.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Beam in Thine Eye

There is the distinct possibility that you, one of my beloved and gentle readers is sick to death of reading and seeing photos of this re-model. Trust me, so am I, but it’s pretty much all I have on my brain right now (besides deadly spiders waiting to pounce on me, that is) So I’m trying not to go into excruciating detail and spare you, gentle reader about exactly what’s going on and the progress of the re-model. It’s better this way.

But this is just pretty amazing.

A part of the plan in the re-model was to remove as many walls as possible in the upper level of the house and end up with a very open floor plan. A couple weeks ago, I took off all the drywall, which made me deliriously happy and covered from head to toe in sheet rock dust. Anyway, the walls we are removing are “load bearing” so in their place we are putting a ginourmous beam and post extravaganza.

The beam weighs in at over 1400 pounds. It’s a beast. An I-beam girder affair. The steel posts have been re-enforced at their bases with re-bar and new concrete. Frickin’ amazing. Dude came and made a hole in the foundation, dig a DEEP hole, expertly tossed in some re-bar and poured new concrete.

Here is a “before” shot, looking down the hallway toward the bedrooms. The two “flanking” walls are the temporary walls which are holding up the ceiling/roof. That big “hole” running down the ceiling marks where one of the old load bearing walls was. At the end is where the new steel post will sit. The gap is where the new über-beam will go.

The only problem with the temporary load bearing walls/studs is that all large items (old couch and chair and a couple bookshelves are utterly stranded on one side of the walls. They can’t fit through. Neither can the shop vac. Oh well.

This is the beam in place. All that stuff underneath it (hydraulic jacks, railroad ties, shimming plywood and 2x4s) are holding it up and in place until our G.C. can get the new posts installed tomorrow. Though because our contractor is a very bright fellow, he figured out a way for the beam to hang down only 3-4 inches, instead of 9-10, which is awesome.

It took three guys all day to get that thing from the truck and up into the ceiling. Many cuss words were spoken apparently. They were very worried about the beam falling forward or back and careening through the floorboards into the basement. Our house now reeks of oil and creosote the old railroad ties were soaked in. Ugh.

Anyway, it’s amazing to see the house getting all nekkid in front of us and slowly getting dressed again.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Have You Checked Your Ears for Eggs Lately?

Let’s look at the list Reha made for the fam of “stuff to do” yesterday, shall we?

1. Start laundry
2. Unload dishwasher
3. Clean living room (everything out so the new beam can be installed)
4. Look for junk and trash outside to put in the dumpster
5. pick plums from the backyard tree
6. find tarantula
7. make lunches
8. begin packing up bedrooms
9. feed rabbit
10. clean bathrooms

Wait…

Back up.

Read #6 again.

“Find tarantula”

Hmm. That one seems like it could use some further explanation.

On Saturday, while driving down our street on the way to do innumerable errands, the Deal Family Van o’ Fun passed over a very large creature scuttling across the road. Reha and I both said, “Wha?” and pulled over to investigate this thing further.

It was a rather large (or small, depending on your perspective) spider heading west across our street. We stood there in the middle of the road, staring at it for a while, wondering where this thing came from. Seemed to us like it might be an escaped pet of some sort. Which was more than a little odd since we knew that every house in the immediately vicinity held only really old people. Who probably don’t have “extreme” pets like snakes or enormous spiders.

While I’m on the subject. Spiders do not strike me as good “pet” material. Nor do snakes or big lizards. Though we once had a bearded dragon lizard which wasn’t as bad a pet as you’d think. S/he was pretty docile until it came time to feed it crickets at which point the thing became a demon of activity. Kinda cool, I guess. Anyway, really big spider? Weird pet, that’s all I’m saying. Not the same as a cuddly kitten or fuzzy puppy. And I’m going to admit right here that spiders kind of give me the willies. And especially this tarantula we “rescued.” Watching the thing creep along, legs arching and slowing moving forward, just plain icks me out. *Shudder*

After perseverating for a while we decided that we should take the thing home, make it as comfortable as possible and then post signs in the neighborhood which said, “Found: Ginormous and creepy Spider. Answers to the name of Shirley. Call 555-7381 if you want it back. Be prepared to explain to us why you keep something this spooky as a pet. You’re Welcome! The Deal Clan.”

We gently placed the little guy (speaking metaphorically of course) in a Converse shoe box and made sure s/he had air and then went on our way to do our mountain of crap.

Ellis immediately decided that the hairy Beast of Doom was a female and was about to have babies. “Very cute babies!” She didn’t have any evidence the thing was preggo-s, but she seemed pretty sure and talked and talked and talked about the pregnant spider all afternoon. Personally I think she’s seen “Charlotte’s Web” one too many times. And the thought of a zillion little furry tarantulas crawling around in that shoebox gave me another bout of the “yechs!” yet again.

Later that night Carrie (who is NOT a-scared at all of spiders, snakes or other “icky” things), walked into our room and woke us up from a deep sleep to announce, “The tarantula has escaped and is gone, I just thought you should know that.”

How well did I sleep after that, imagining the Beast Spawn from Hell (and her trillion babies) crawling around the house, into our bedroom, up the side of the bed and laying more eggs in my ear?

Not well at all.

We looked all yesterday for Shirley the Pregnant Spider of Death while doing the rest of that things on that list and she was nowhere to be found. Now even though I really don’t want the thing in my life, I feel terrible that it is roaming the halls of our house, looking for insects, water, small children or other food to eat, and it probably won’t find any. Plus, given the state of disassembly of the house right now, odds are high it has sequestered itself someplace and will get itself walled up once we put sheet rock back up. Guilt.

And I have to explain to the general contractor to be on the look out for a HUGE spider and it he finds it, to put it in the Converse box and then place the signs throughout the neighborhood. Never mind about the steel beam that will support the roof, make sure Shirley finds her way back home before she gives birth to all those spider babies!

This also follows the Deal Family Tradition regarding stray animals/pets:

1. See tarantula/bird/small rodent on side of the road.
2. Pull over immediately.
3. Save arachnid/bird/animal from “certain” doom.
4. Bring arachnid/bird/animal to our home for nursing/care/feeding/smooshing.
5. Lose arachnid/bird/animal from shoebox where we were holding it until we could get to a Pet Smart.
6. Fin.
7. Repeat as necessary

See! Look! She gnawed off Lucas’ hand shortly after this photo was taken!

Friday, September 07, 2007

More Digging Through Boxes That Might Have Been Best Left Alone

Last week while cleaning out a bookshelf, I came across a metric ton of old photos. I give them to you, my IntarWeb friends, because they are mostly of my cute children, but also so you can see that I’m a total dweeb.

(And yes, in case you have to ask, I’ll be in “trouble” with certain members of my family for posting these.)

Let’s start with this one of Reha as a very small person:

Cute!

This one is probably from her Junior Year:

It’s the pearls that truly make the outfit, don’t you think?

Yes, this is the one I probably should not have posted. But hey, it was the 80s. Many mistakes were made back then, Reaganomics, purple eye shadow, breakdancing, just to name a few.

Absolutely NO comment.

And see! She turned out totally awesome! That is from her Law School graduation. She had given birth to Jonah the day before and then went and walked her graduation. Which meant that she took her last finals and did all her Law Review editorial stuff while she was “great with child.” She’s a She-Ra! And yes, I really was that bloated all the time. Running cured that.

Look at that little rapscallion down there. That’s Lucas at age 4. We should have bottled him up and sold his essence. So stinkin’ cute.

This is Carrie (now 17) at two months:

Her tongue still does that at dinner time. We should have had that looked at years ago.

Unknown Deal baby. They all kind of looked the same. Which is to say, they all looked like me. Tragic.

I’d have to get a ruling from Reha on this one, but I think it’s Lucas.

Lucas, approximately 4 months old.

It was NOT my idea to dress him with a place-mat for a shirt, I assure you.

Family Portrait, 1994

I have almost no recollection of this photo being taken. I know that’s me, but I can’t remember that day at all. Weird.

This was taken the night I asked Reha to marry me.

She looks EXACTLY the same today, I swear, just with a different hair style.

Same engagement night

Pretty hard to believe she said yes to that guy, huh?

These next three are all from when the kids were in first grade

Carrie

Lucas

Jonah

This is Lucas and I think he was in Kindergarden.

Don’t you just want to put him on a sandwich and eat him up?

An office Christmas party. Circa 1997. Reha was pregnant with Jonah at the time.

Someone tell that dude on the left to skip dinner. He doesn’t need to eat any more.

Lucas, Soccer Stud. First grade, I think

The ball is bigger than his head.

Jonah “Warrior King” Deal

And oh man! See that white wall on the left? That is the crap that USED to be on the walls of the basement. Outdoor paneling, painted white. And that light in the background? An old porch light. The people we bought the house from were super nice old people, but obviously, they were completely insane.

One last one of Lucas. I think he’d just gotten his glasses.

He sat on them mere seconds later and they broke in half, I swear.

Oh no! A bunch of photos without Ellis in them! Scandalous! We simply MUST fix that.

Christmas, 2006

Now lest you think I’m going to die because of that Prom photo of Reha up there, I also found a yearbook from my junior high. I’ll be sharing some of those gems next week, I assure you. Shared pain and all that.

 

Novus

Proximus

 

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.