Thursday, March 29, 2007

Not Feeling the Funny Today

Since I still can think of NOTHING but the money those Fleetwood Mac loving people stole from us, I’d like to point you in the direction of my daughter’s site.

I keep telling her to fix her more ridiculous typos, but if you can get past them, she’s got some entertaining stuff in there.

THIEVERY UPDATE:
I have pretty much gotten over most of my angsty-ness about the robbery. But they also started forging checks in MY name last week. So bizarre to see your name on a check that you didn’t write. To Carl’s Jr. Have I been to Carl’s Jr. in the past three years? Nope. And they forged a whole new drivers’ license. And they made new, forged checks. I get the feeling that these people do this for a living.

And they can’t do my signature worth a darn.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

More Theivery Updates

I’m going to stop talking about this soon, I promise, but it’s the only thing in my orbit right now. Adobe talked about the release of CS3 and I kind of forgot about it until today. THAT’S HOW BAD IT IS.

The bank lady just called me and said someone bought a meal at Carl’s Jr. forging my name one of our checks. Yeah, I’m kind of eating only lettuce and brown rice right now and running a lot of late, I haven’t been to a Carl’s Jr. in YEARS. “Yes, please set me up ANOTHER affidavit of fraud and I’ll be over to sign it at lunch, thanks.”

Now I’m all grumpy again.

OH! and get this!

I talked to a nice lady at a Wal-Mart where they spent almost $800 and she told me some of the things they purchased. I totally expected it to be TVs, DVD players, XBox’s, and all the Sudafed (for making meth) that they could get their hands on, etc. Stuff they could easily sell for drug money, basically.

But they bought baby clothes! Socks! Men’s ties! And a ton of groceries. And Fleetwood Mac’s seminal Rumors on CD. And a Simon and Garfunkel CD.

It’s like Jean Valjean from Les Miserables or something over here. Baby clothes and groceries!

Now my liberal guilt is kicking in and I’m thinking… “Jeez, people, if you’d just knocked on our door, we’d have TAKEN you to Wal-Mart and bought you food. We actually are the sorts of people who do that on occasion.” Not $800 worth probably, but certainly a couple hundred. And how can I be mad at someone who likes Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors? I love that album!

Oh… well, I guess it’s actually kind of easy to be mad at them. THEY TOOK MY MONEY!

grumpy.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Theft

The theft of Reha’s wallet happened on Saturday night. Most likely taken from our unlocked van. Yes, we live like we are in the “country” and didn’t bother to lock our doors. That’s changing, I assure you. Either it was a crime of opportunity with the unlocked van or someone swiped it, IF Reha left it at the grocery store. Crime of opportunity either way.

Late, late Sunday night we knew something was probably amiss. We’d cleaned the entire house and looked everywhere, but nothing was turning up. But because of the sort of people we are (dumb and naïve, in this case), we figured the wallet, purse and Blackberry would turn up. They were probably just lost or misplaced.

Not so much.

By Monday, whoever took her stuff was living pretty high on the hog. To the tune of over $8K from our checking account. Somehow they figured out her PIN number and then it was game over until we figured out what was happening and we could start canceling things. Plus charges on our personal AmEx, plus charges on her corporate credit card.

We don’t normally have such a monstrously huge balance in our checking account, but we are about to pay for Carrie’s Japan trip, plus assorted re-model related expenses. They hit us at the right time, basically. Which put me into paranoia over-drive mode, thinking they were somehow stalking us. Probably not true, but that’s why I went to Home Depot last night and started turning the Deal Family Compound into the Deal Family Fortress. I’m going to call an alarm company at some point, I think.

The credit card charges are less complex than the ATM/EFT charges. We just call up and say, “card was stolen, take evasive action! We didn’t do all that crap!” and it’ll get taken card of. (Hopefully, it’s been pretty easy so far with the CC companies). Since the ATMs/ETFs require a PIN number, the bank (and the merchant) consider them “authorized.” Obviously, they are not authorized transactions, but we have to file a “fraudulent transaction claim” for each ATM/EFT (18 of those on one account, unknown number on another). We’ll get all the money back, but it’s going to take 10-20 days (per transaction), so I’m betting we be out that moolah for a month.

In case anyone is worried, we have plenty of food and the mortgage is paid. All the charges will eventually be reversed and we have insurance out the wazoo (I think! Checking on that later today) for this sort of thing and they didn’t get all our money. I keep some cash stashed in the rabbit pellets for just such an occasion. Oh crap… I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t tell, mmm K?

For the record, her PIN number wasn’t in her wallet or written on the card or something equally moronic. Personally, I think they used a PIN reader/decoder thing. Because they also used a different ATM card from Re’s wallet. Or they just got lucky. We don’t really know how they got they PIN number, but man, once they got it, they went to town.

One major problem is that her Social Security card was in there. This is the most depressing thing, actually. Now we get to deal with the two most delicious bureaucracies ever invented, the Feds and the credit bureaus. If you have your SS card in your wallet or whatever, take it OUT and put it $SOMEPLACE_ELSE where it will be safe. Do not be dumb and carry it with you.

Another joy in all this is that the “robbery” occurred at our house, which is in the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s jurisdiction. But the fraudulent transactions were all over the map. So we have to file police reports from each of those localities and then feed them back to Deputy what’s-her-name at the Sheriff’s office. You have NO idea how much fun this has been so far. And plus I get to hear every cop make that sighing “tsk, tsk” noise when they ask about whether the car was locked or not and why she had her valuable stuff in the car. Thanks, that’s WAY helpful, Officer.

Here is a print-out from my online banking thing-y yesterday. (image pops when you click on it. Might not pop up in a feed reader).

I’ll leave it to you readers to tell me how you spend $738.35 at Walgreens. Probably buying the most psuedo-ephedrine the law will allow at each location, plus other crap is my guess. I really think this was/is the work of meth-addled tweakers. Bastards are probably still awake.

Thing is, these people will probably get caught. Every one of those places has surveillance cameras. Heck, Wal-Mart probably has a camera trained on you, RIGHT NOW, to make sure you don’t try anything funny. And they left a name and address at the PC store (where they probably bought some AWFUL Windows box that has neon lights and a built-in smoke machine, ugh). If they are smart, it’s a fake name, but I just have this feeling that these people aren’t that smart. Though if they are using a magstripe reader to get someone’s PIN number, that smacks of cleverness.

Speaking of PINs. I think I’m all about biometric identification. A four digit number just doesn’t seem like it’s good enough in this day and age.

Anyway, it’s going to be Dante’s ninth circle of Hell around here for a while, but we’ll get through it. Thanks for all the well wishes! Lock up the family jewels, people! Bad people abound! And they want your stuff.

I don’t know if I’ll be posting anything “else” for a bit. This whole drama will likely suck all my free time and I’m not in much of a mood to be funny. And, I’m having a hard time sleeping well. I got up 4 times last time, hearing “stuff” going on that turned to be just the wind or whatever. Plus, I have to dig the moat for the Deal Family Fortress. That’s going to take a while.

Someone Stole From Us

We were robbed over the weekend. I’ll have the sordid details later.

No one was hurt. We will *probably* get all our money back.

I am installing deadbolts throughout the house and I suggest you do the same.

And lock your car doors at night and don’t leave anything you care about in them.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply

Tori LouLou has decided to leave our warm, dysfunctional family at the design studio where I work. Something about her husband getting another job in some other place. She was talking about it during staff meeting, but I nodded off.

So now I have to break in ANOTHER receptionist type person and educate her on my way of doing things. I.E., I don’t know the answer to many of her questions, I don’t really care about her questions, and most importantly, NEVER EVER try to call me on the phone. It’s my least preferred way of dealing with the outside world.

But I did get to have one last IM conversation with her (again, I’m changing her name from Tori to LouLou so she doesn’t get embarrassed to be seen here):

Jon: so…
Jon: do we like this Erica person who is taking your place?

LouLou: I think… I’m not sure yet.
LouLou: I’ve only just met her…
LouLou: I’ll let you know what’s up on Monday

Jon: yeah…
Jon: well
Jon: I don’t like the sound of her
Jon: I mean
Jon: Erica? What kind of name is that?
Jon: that’s like a *fake* girl name
Jon: OOH!
Jon: maybe she’s part man!

LouLou Ummm… Maybe?

Jon: you check on Monday to make sure, Mmmm K?

LouLou mmmm k
LouLou: I’ll let you know for sure

Jon: ask… you know… casually…
Jon: “So… do you have all boy parts or all girl parts… or some combination of the two?”

LouLou: No problem, I’m sure she won’t mind

Jon: yeah… just bring it up in the course of the day
Jon: say, “You know… I have all girl parts… what about you… E-R-I-C-A?”

LouLou: oh dear

Jon: what do you care? You are leaving… ya big quitter

LouLou: true

Jon: Quitty McQuits-a-lot

LouLou: I probably won’t ever see her again
LouLou: So I may as well ask her all the good stuff

Jon: exactly… and this is the kind of stuff we need to know
Jon: so we can know what kind of Christmas gifts to get “her,” for example
Jon: like… whether or not to get her frilly, smelling bath salts… or Soap-On-A-Rope

LouLou: I will definitely let you know on that one
LouLou: I’m telling you right now, I have all girl parts.

Jon: yeah. I believe you.

LouLou: I hope so

Jon: but we weren’t sure when you first started… which is why we had Julie check [ed. note. Julie was our old receptionist/Admin Assistant person]

LouLou: ew! I do not remember her asking me that question…

Jon: she followed you home one night
Jon: she was hiding in the hamper in your bathroom, I guess
Jon: or something… I never got those details

So long, LouLou, Tori!

Proximus

 

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.