Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Election Night ‘06

OK, it’s all over but the counting. Looks like in Virginia they will be counting for a week or two.

Here’s my thing, kids:

SO VERY GLAD IT IS ALL OVER.

Here’s my solution to all the negative campaigning:

I you lose the election, you have to EAT (with a nice cream sauce, perhaps) all the negative campaign paraphrenalia that both sides put out. And you have to pick up all sign littered around the countrysides of our country.

I’m thinking that might cut down all all the crap they put out.

And congrats to the Dems or taking back the House. Is it too early to begin thinking about impeachment? :-]

And! As far as I can see, NO Democrat incumbents lost. A zillion Republican incumbents biffed it big time. That says a lot, I think.

And! A Democrat won in the TX-22!! (That’s Tom Delay’s old seat) IN YOUR FACE! Yep, I’m gloating.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Good Morning. I Will Kill You with my Bare Fists if You Turn That Light On Again

No one at the Deal Family Compound is a particularly good “morning person.” We are all night people. Personally, given enough notice I can switch to “morning guy,” but by nature I’m a night person. Reha is so far away from being a morning person that it may as well be on a another planet. She has many many other good traits, but getting up is not one of them.

Some of us, however take “I’m not a morning person” to an extreme.

Case in point, Ellis.

These are shots of her as I’m trying (in vain) to get her to pee so we can get out of the house. She was *adamant* about not needing to pee and she just sat there on the toilet with a grumpy look on her mug for about ten minutes. I finally gave up and dediced to let the nursery people deal with her.

Three minutes after these photos were taken, she knocked me down, kicked me in the crotch and then spit on my neck while I writhed in pain. She may be small, but she packs a wallop, my friends.

“I’ve killed before, Dad. Back off or I’ll kill again.”

“I’m NOT kidding! I want my coffee NOW! Don’t you speak English, you mangy dolt? Where is my latte?!”

Monday, November 06, 2006

You Can’t Eat Your Way to Happiness, But It’s Fun to Try

Since running the marathon approximately a month ago I have eaten a herd of elephants. No really, it’s true. A small herd of pachyderms. If you don’t believe me, ask the park ranger who lives next door. He’s mightly upset about losing Dumbo to me for lunch the other day.

Anyway, I’ve basically sucked all the life right out of the “Hey, I ran a marathon, I can eat whatever the hell I want” excuse. You can only use it for so long before it just stops working and people start calling you a pig and stop inviting you over for dinner.

I’ve gained seven pounds in the process. Or possibly more. I’m not super strict about weighing myself, but I do know that I weigh more than I did when I ran the stupid race. But let me tell you, it’s been so very nice to be able to look at all the kid’s halloween candy and say, “Yeah, I think I’ll dig my way to the bottom of that pillowcase full of Reese’s in one sitting.” Sorry, Lucas, but you need to hide your candy from dear old Dad better.

The strange thing about training for the marathon was that I didn’t lose as much weight as I thought I would. I lost a few pounds (maybe eight to ten), but I really expected to look like one of those skinny Kenyan guys after all of that. I’d be the super pale, blond, but mostly bald Kenyan, I guess. I think it’s because toward the end of the training, when I was running about thirty or so miles a week, I was also eating everything in sight. No lie. I ate one of the kids after a run one night. Tasty when braised with a light cream sauce!

So though no one really cares except me, I’ve have no decided to go back on some kind of diet (which basically means, “stop raiding the halloween candy") and start running and excercising again. Sigh. Eating anything I wanted (i.e. Cookie Dough ice cream, topped with Magic Shell™ (that stuff made out of paraffin that gets hard and crackly on ice cream) and then sprinkled with chocolate malted milk mix (and that was just the appetizer, never long the dessert (think gooey cinammon rolls for dessert)) was fun while it lasted, but I guess all good things must come to an end.

This is me trying my hardest to get excited about eating salad for lunch and not eating a toasted asiago bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. And why can’t french fries be more diet friendly? There ain’t no justice in the world, I’m tellin’ ya. Man, I love french fries.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

E-Mail is NOT FTP

Know what? When your content managment system gives you the option of e-mailing a 163 MB file, you might need to re-think the way it sends files.

‘Cause I don’t know about you, but my mailbox? Not that large.

Yes, I’m very busy this week.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Halloween—Post Mortem Post

Halloween is just about my favorite holiday. I absolutely love that if you are kid and you want candy, all you have to do is throw a white sheet over your head (alternatively, borrow Dad’s old clothes and go as “hobo"), knock on people’s door for three hours and say three little words and you end up with a pillowcase full of candy. It’s the BEST thing about America.

Ellis switched gears mid stream and decided NOT to go as Jasmine, which was the costume we ordered for her off the internet, after doing approximately 3.7 million searches for “princess costume.” So she’s Santa. Or an elf. Or just wearing a sparkly dress, a hat and a Christmas bow. Whatever. We could never get a straight answer our of her.

And another of her, because Jonah refused to put his costume back on after we all got home.

Lucas went gallivanting around the neighborhood in this get up. Earlier he had on a button down shirt and tie and a cool hat and the same shag rug coat. He was a pimp, basically. Did we let our twelve year old go around the neighborhood and down to his piano teacher’s house, dressed as pimp? Not so much. We settled on letting him take the guitar from Guitar Hero and he’s a “rock star,” possibly a very small, and very white Lenny Kravitz. “Lucas Kravitz,” perhaps.

And we have Carrie here with the win! She had to work so she and her friend got a bit of a late start. But they went as the cardinals from the Monty Python “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!” skit. Genius.

Happy Halloween everybody!!

 

Novus

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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