Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Important Safety Tips

Rather than regal you with a travelogue, detailing every little incident that occured on our road trip to Northern Idaho, I thought I’d just give you some general tips that would help you, should you ever find yourself trapped in a mini-van for 12 hours with your family.

OK, “trapped” sounds kind of harsh, but let’s be realistic, OK? That’s a long time to be in an enclosed space with anyone, never long small children who bore easily.

1) Go ahead and spend insane amounts of money on electronic gee-haws from Best Buy. You won’t regret it, until after you realize that now they can fight over who’s turn it is to choose the movie. And the one who screams loudest (Ellis), usually wins those arguments and you end up watching/hearing Toy Story 752 times between SLC and the Idaho-Montana border.

2) You can accomodate an eight year old with a queasy stomach pretty easily with an empty Big Gulp cup.

We stopped for Jonah to puke at the side of the road two times. And after that, we just tossed him “The Cup” and told him to go crazy. Eventually we moved him all the way to the front seat of the van, which helped his nausea enormously, but drove the driver (that’d be me) more than a little crazy as Jonah likes to talk about EVERYTHING he sees out the window. i.e., “Mile marker 81! We just passed mile marker 81! That means we’ll get to mile marker 82 next and then mile marker 83! Look at the cow! It’s black and white. Hey! mile marker 82! We just passed mile marker 82!” Repeat as neccessary until I have blood coming out my ears.

3) Carrie knows how to pitch a tent in the back seat.

4) If you stop every hour for something (gas, potty breaks, puking, food, etc.), add at least two hours to your travel time.

5) Twelve year old boys (that’s be Lucas) have bladders the size of raisins, apparently. Seriously, we’d stop for gas, get the boy a slurpee or whatnot and thrity minutes later (to the second, mind you!) he’d sing out, “I have to pee!” We’d tell him to hold it and ten minutes later he’d chirp out, “I still have to pee!” By then my crew of Tiny Bladders would all get into the act and we’d be at some nasty rest stop in the middle of Montana, relieving ourselves yet again.

6) You can keep yourself fairly awake during driving-hour twelve by singing slightly situationally inappropriate songs by The Smiths. If a double decker bus/Crashes into us/To die by your side/Well, the pleasure, the priviledge is mine

7) There are 2 trillion fewer bugs in the world, because they all committed suicide by flailing themselves on the windshield and front grill of our van. Seriously, wait’ll you see the pics! Bug guts splayed out all over the front of the van. Icky city. And you can’t just use the wipers and washer fluid on them. I’m going to have to sand blast the grill in order to get it clean. Mosquito entrails are seriously sticky and gooey.

8) Reha is a delightful traveling companion because she can explain all kinds of stuff about federal court civil appeals that you REALLY need to know! Who knew Federal jurisprudence could be so fascinating?! (OK, Reha didn’t actually explain the Federal Rules for Civil Procedure, but she had threatened to before we left.)

9) No one on the planet drives the speed limit. Like, ever. 55, 65, 75, these are just suggestions. Mere hints at what a safe a reasonable speed might be.

10) Don’t forget to take a look around during potty/food/puke/gas breaks. It’s a big world out there.

Jon scribbled this mess on 06/28/06 at 09:14 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Heart of Elene

We are currently in Coeur d’Alene, ID.

More later.

Jon scribbled this mess on 06/27/06 at 03:14 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Stoner Baby, the Photographic Evidence

Ellis is still recovering quite nicely, though her refusal to take her pain medication tends to get in the way of sleep. For the past two nights she took a nap from 5:30 to 8, which meant that her little un-medicated motor kept running until the wee hours of the morning. Think 2 A.M., folks.

Yes, that’s her in her patented “you can see my booty, can’t you?” hospital gown.

That’s Reha trying to shove Mac & Cheese in Ellis while E. is stoned to the gills on baby lortab. You can actually see the liquid lortab in the bottom right corner of the image.

“No, I am not all floaty right now! But would you mind telling me which one of you in front of me is the real one? Thanks.”

Jon scribbled this mess on 06/21/06 at 12:22 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Photos Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Monday, June 19, 2006

Stoner Baby

Last Thursday morning Ellis had her tonsils and adenoids removed. On a scale of 1 to 10, they were an 8, apparently. She snored like crazy and while sleeping, she would just stop breathing, then snort REALLY loudly and begin to breath again. On the whole, not good.

She went into surgery without any problems and her road to recovery has been pretty smooth. She was listless all day Thursday and most of Friday. And she cried irrationally during the night on Friday. Maybe she missed her freakishly large adenoids. Some kind of toddler longing, maybe.

Or maybe the fact the she had begun refusing to take her pain meds had something to do with her grumpiness Friday night. We could get her to take a sip or two of the liquid/baby lortab (it’s true, there’s a liquid lortab), but then she’d gag and puke everything up. Usually all over me. Whee!

Turns out that though we specifically request grape flavoring in the baby lortab, the pharmacy neglected to add the flavoring. I sampled a teeny bit, and indeed, “nasty-city.” I threw up a little, too.

Needless to say, we took the stuff back to the pharmacy and they put the grape crap in. She still won’t take it without being bribed with candy, toys and just this morning, a pony, but she probably doesn’t need it anymore. She’s eating and drinking pretty normally and last night was screaming her head off with glee while Carrie chased her around the bedroom.

Anyway, E. can’t go anywhere for fear of infection so I’m at home today and later I’ll probably post pics of Ellis stoned to the gills. ‘Cause, you know, when you have a toddler that leans to the left while she thinks she’s perfectly upright, it’s funny, you know?

Jon scribbled this mess on 06/19/06 at 10:21 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Last Night I Dreamed I Ate a Marshmallow and When I Woke Up My Pillow Was GONE!

I’m very particular about pillow that I sleep on. Yes, I’m one of those people. I pack my own pillow when I go on trips. You got a problem with that?

I used to have the absolute PERFECT pillow, but sadly a few years ago it gave up the ghost. In reality, it fell apart. Disintegrated is more like it. Plus, it had a distinct “odor.” Not a horrible, putrid-no-shower kind of odor, but it smelled like me and no matter how many times I washed the pillow, it still kind of smelled odd. (This was before I’d discovered the modern miracle that is Febreeze™)

Anyway, I like my pillow to be lumpy. Lumpy as if the poor thing had the black plague and was covered in bulbous pustules. Only without any gross oozing. So a down pillow is right out of the running. My head smooshes those and I feel like I’m being suffocated. Fiberfill™ works great, but it’s hard to get the proper number of lumps in one of those. I’ve had to work pretty hard to maul one into shape since my last pillow bit the dust. I’m pretty happy with it now and it has been christened “Jon’s/Dad’s Pillow” and everyone in the Deal Family Compound knows not to mess with it.

Except Reha, who just sleeps on whatever is handy. Seriously, she can fall asleep on fluffy pillows, throw pillows, no pillow (mattress only!), a pillowcase filled to the brim with sticks, and my Special, Lumpy Pillow™, all with impunity. It’s all blessed sleep to her.

Last night she fell asleep on my pillow again and I didn’t have the heart to wrench it out from under her while screaming, “My pillow, my precious lumpy pillow! Get the HELL OFF my pillow, you doomed creature who can fall asleep two minutes after reclining!!”

I didn’t scream that, nor did I steal my pillow back. In the interest of matrimonial harmony, I just let it go and slept (rather failed to sleep) on one of the puffy atrocities that also lives on our bed.

I swear, my lumpy pillow fetish is THE ONLY WIERD THING about me.

heh.

Jon scribbled this mess on 06/13/06 at 07:23 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link
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