Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Insulted or Relieved, Not Sure Which to Be

Ellis: “I am cute. Jonah is NOT cute. Lucas is NOT cute. Carrie is cute. Mommy is cute.”
Pause.
“Daddy, you are a boy.”

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Too Late for This Year, But Maybe You can Freeze It

This is why I love eBay.

Better act fast, those might be snapped up before you know it. And I’m sure if you freeze one of those, it’ll keep for your true love for Next Valentine’s Day.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Your Nails, They’re Like Butta!

A few months ago we started getting our milk from a local dairy. It’s a great set up. You place one of their coolers on your porch, doorway, cave entrance, whatever, and they bring you milk. Just like the days of yore. Except the milkmen drive a big truck instead of a horse driven wagon. And they swoop into your checking account to get paid every other week.

Anyway, the milk is great, comes fresh from “happy cows” out in Payson, UT. No gross hormones, no MSG, basically, it’s organic, though they don’t certify it as such with the USDA. It’s more expensive than normal milk by a long shot, but it’s way cheaper than the organic stuff Reha used to make us get. That stuff is about what you’d pay for a gallon of gas in England, man.

So though the milk is more expensive than “normal” stuff, I do think we end up spending less on groceries in a month. Winder offers all kind of other stuff besides milk. Produce, bread, other dairy products, etc. Practical upshot? We go to the grocery store far fewer times a month. No more quick runs to the store for milk, which ends up saving money, because it’s a LAW, that “You shall NOT ever just buy milk, when you go to the Piggly Wiggly.” You will end up buying WAY MORE stuff then you planned. The CPAs at the grocery stores plan on this, by the way. Why do you think they put the milk cases at the back of the store? It’s so you’ll walk up and down at least ONE aisle on your lactose voyage.

We like getting the milk, but Winder’s online ordering system leaves something to be desired. Mostly, because you can’t view your current “standing” order and just add or subtract items from that. In order to add something, you have to re-create your entire shopping list, which is kind of a pain.

And sometimes things like this happen:

If you count, that’s seventeen (17) POUNDS of butter. Due to circumstances not entirely explainable, we got butter in our regular Monday order for a few weeks straight. I know one time was my fault, but the rest is a bit of a dome scratcher.

My arteries are hardening just looking at all that. Luckily, butter freezes well and we are set for the next year or so.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Seriously, WTF?!

We awoke to this scene outside this morning:





I’m all for having an excess of moisture to quench our desert environs, but this is getting old.

That’s over ONE FOOT of snow. Accumulated in about 3 hours. Took me about an hour to dig out, I think.

The Scent of a Woman

Reha, like many women has an incredible sense of smell. When she was pregnant, this ability was even more pronouced. Our first apartment had a particular odor and it made Reha hurl the second she came within range of it. From about a block away, mind you.

Reha’s making dinner and she has tasked me with slicing carrots. I’m close to her, but not that close. She takes a sniff and then gets up real close and takes a snoot full of my shirt.

“You have an odor. What is that?” and she takes quite a deep sniff.

“Um, I don’t know?”

“"Hmm. Smells like lilacs. Why do you smell llike lilacs?”

“Huh. Well, I walked into someone’s office just before leaving work and I think she had sprayed something. Maybe it was lilacs?”

“Yes, definitely lilacs. Man, am I good or what?”

Carrie pipes up, “Mom, you could be one of those drug sniffing dogs.”

“Well, that’s not the best compliment I’ve ever gotten, but thanks.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve never thought you were a bitch, Re.”

 

Novus

Proximus

 

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Partners
• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2010 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.