Wednesday, November 30, 2005

She Said It, I Promise

Yesterday was an incredibly heavy day. The funeral I went to was for a kid (I say kid even though he was 23) who died on Thanksgiving Day. He was a brilliant and loving and wonderful soul who will be missed by all who knew him. I wept for pretty much 1.5 hours solid. Couldn’t stop thinking about my own kids and how much I love them and how incredibly difficult it must be to lose a child.

Oy.

Anyway, since I’m still totally drained, I thought I’d pull out a story about my Mom which could possibly be amusing. Maybe it won’t be to you, but it will be to me. And since she reads this on occasion, she’ll be chagrined beyond belief. Sorry in advance, Mother.

Some background:

I’m an only child. Not only am I an only child, but I’m the son of an only child (father), who was also an only child (paternal grandfather). This probably explains a lot about my psyche right there. Many of you Psych 101 people probably have me all figured out just from that sentence alone. Three generations of only children...it’s a wonder I’m not a huge selfish navel gazer. Oh wait… I have the blog… which is the epitome of selfish navel gazing. Oh well.

My parents got divorced when I was five and I lived with Mom. Mom worked so I was left to my own devices every afternoon. Yes, I was a latch-key child, which also may explain a few things as well. But what the hell else was she supposed to do?

Anyway, one day my best friend Bernie and I spent the entire afternoon at my house building Lego™ artillery pieces. We’d then take turns “bombing” each other’s fortifications until it was time to rebuild. After a few rounds we realized that not only did we need more sturdy Lego fortifications (and we had Byzantine rules for what constituted a “gun” and what was merely decoration), but we also needed better bombs. We started out using small marbles, then escalated to larger marbles, then big ol’ hunks of Legos, then finally these really big, thick heavy Magic Markers. Those were the best. You could put spin on them and they’d skip over and between Bernie’s walls. And when you scored a hit the cap would also come flying off. It was great.

Except for the fact that Mom had just painted the walls. White. And not just any dumb old white, but this Aryan, pure-as-the-driven snow white that verily gleamed with any light source. Magic Markers with no caps versus freshly painted walls. A fight to the finish and I think we all know who was coming out on top in that brawl.

Mom walked in the door and saw the huge puddle of Legos on the floor, with Bernie and I set up on opposite ends of the room, gleefully tossing marbles, wads of Legos and Magic Markers across the living room. I think at the time I was hiding behind a chair, because occasionally you’d get tagged with an errant marble and the chair was much more solid than anything I could build out of Lego.

“WHAT. IS. GOING. ON. IN. HERE?” (Yes, there was a period after each of those words).

“Um.....”

Then you heard the sound of Bernie’s footsteps down the walk and scooting on home. Bernie was no fool.

“AND WHAT IS ON MY NEW WALLS?”

She marched straight into the kitchen, got a bucket and began scrubbing the living room walls with all her might. I began to pick up Legos morosely.

And then she said something I’d never heard her say. And I don’t think she’s ever said it since.

“Shit!”

Silence for a moment.

“This isn’t coming off.”

I didn’t even know that my Mother knew that word! I thought I’d have to teach it to her someday.

I learned something about being an only child that I hadn’t really realized. I didn’t get the blame for the whole marker-on-walls fiasco. Bernie did. Usually I got the blame for everything, since pretty much everything that was a kid type disaster was indeed my fault. No one else was around in the house to make the huge cereal mess that one time, was there? I was the only suspect in every single mystery. But not this time. This time I was obviously influenced by the evil Bernie, since I’d never do such a thing to those walls that Mom had worked so hard to paint. Sometimes as an only child you get a little too much benefit of the doubt I learned that day. Now, did I offer Bernie up as a sacrifice? No, I did not. Not really anyway. I didn’t blame him, but I also didn’t advocate for his cause, either. I was only ten, for Pete’s sake on a popsicle stick. That kind of magnanimity doesn’t come until one is much more mature, if at all. But I know for a fact that though Bernie was the first to throw a Magic Marker, I had the HUGE supply on my side of the room, so almost all the marks on the walls were from my tosses. So Bernie wasn’t allowed to play at my house unsupervised anymore. And I really wasn’t allowed to play at his place too much either. So that’s the trade off, I suppose.

Anyway, I was just staring at this “100 Super Colors” marker set sitting on our shelf and wondering about their aerodynamic properties. And wondering what ever happened to Bernie.

Sorry about the walls, Mom.

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/30/05 at 06:57 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

zapped

No post today.

Went to a funeral today.

Completely. Wiped. Out.

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/29/05 at 06:08 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Monday, November 28, 2005

First Snow of 2005

This is Jonah and Ellis playing in the snow. Ellis can barely move because she’s been bundled up so tight.

Lucas wondering if I can take him snowboarding that afternoon. The answer sadly, was no, I need to go re-wire the basement once again, so no ‘boarding for us, my friend.

Lucas pulled Ellis around in a sled for much longer than I’d have expected.

Then she did this and I think she kept telling him, “Faster, you fool! Faster!”

Isn’t she just the cutest dang thing?

“Reha, can we please turn the heat back up?” Yes, those are oven mitts. Don’t ask.

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/28/05 at 06:40 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Photos Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Death by Remodel

In which I decide that I’ve gone abso-freakin-lutely mad and will kill myself slowly (but surely) by remodeling our house.

I had originally written this huge diatribe, detailing with exquisite precision my entire weekend, which revolved around the house remodel mostly, with an early flurry of pie making on Thanksgiving Day proper. Then I re-read it and decided that, though it was all factually correct and painfully precise, it was a bit boring. “Then I tore out the wiring I had just done. Then I banged my head on the joists. Then I swore. Then I went to Home Depot.” Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Instead I’m just going to give the highlights and possibly some of the better particulars.

I lost count of the number of trips to Home Depot. Yes, Intarweb, I do make lists before I go. But sometimes you don’t know that you need a thing until you know that you need it. And you can’t know that you need it while you are wandering the aisles of Home Depot. You only discover that the thing is needful after you get home. And, while I’m on the subject, is there some mystical force that envelopes the Home Depots and hardware stores that make your brains empty of all thought as to what you needed to get before you walked in the store? All I know is that it’s pretty bad when I elect NOT to count as a separate trip the time I went back into Home Depot from the car after having already purchased something.

We made four desserts and took them to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. They were delicious, as was dinner. I now know the secret of how to make pie crust perfectly. No, I’m not telling.

I went to the grocery store THREE times on Wednesday night in preparation for Thanksgiving Day dessert treats. This after Reha had already been early that day. There’s a corollary in there relating Home Depot to grocery stores, but this time it was mostly related to a small pie disaster Reha had. Sometimes it’s hard to know when to pull the pies out of the oven, but once you can smell burned crust, that’s a sign, you know?

I have resolved NOT to shave until the house is finished. The big downside to this is that, after a couple of days, not only do I want to rip my face off, but my beard now comes in peppered with gray. Didn’t use to do that. Sigh. Make your own “beard down to my knees joke” here.

Reha heard something on the radio that we could save a ton of money on natural gas if we just turned the thermostat down to 60° and if we all wore socks and sweaters we’d never know the difference. I think this will be the year that we all remember as “that year Mom went nuts and we had to shower with Polartec on.”

Power tools are NOT toys. That’s all I’m sayin’ ‘bout that.

I now know how to do three way switches perfectly. Seriously. I’m the freaking MAN when it comes to three-way switches. Let’s not talk about how many times it took until I figured out, though. OK?

I’m so close to being done with the wiring in the basement I can taste it. Then I just have to frame in a closet, frame around the ductwork, do the sheetrock dance, paint the sheetrock and then slap the Pergo down. Just a couple more things, right?

We have 5/8” plywood sub-flooring upstairs. Not 3/4” inch as previously thought. That I bought six sheets of 3/4” plywood and cut one up to fit the windowsill and tried for over an hour to make it fit is not germane to this discussion. I should have measured the old stuff as well, Re.

Thanks to the wonder of FedEx, General Electric’s shipping department, the detailed notes Reha took from the Sears guy, and my modest skills with a screwdriver, we have a working washing machine. We did a load of laundry in the kitchen sink one night since we were out of clothes and had ZERO time to hang out at a laundromat. Quaint. That gets old fast.

I no longer have the use of my glorious, “yes, I am human” opposable thumbs. Winter has officially arrived (5-6” of snow on the ground proves it), and I’ve become dry as a bone and my thumbs (and a couple of fingers) have begun to crack. Eucerin doesn’t even have power over my cracking skin.

Cute pics of the kids playing in the snow tomorrow!

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/27/05 at 10:57 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Let’s take a moment and go around the table and say what we are thankful for

Reasons to be thankful this holiday season:

Did not kill any puppies or other cute animals this year.

Don’t live in Mississippi and have a hurricane tossed tree on my head.

Don’t do PR for Michael Brown, late of FEMA, “Yes, Brownie, you are doing a heck of a job!”

FOX news comes in fuzzy on the TV upstairs and The Daily Show does not.

Mecca arrived. All hail Steverino in Cupertino!

No one is my family asked for a “Tickle Me Elmo” for Chirstmas this year.

rsync and ssh. Two great tastes that taste great together!

I still don’t care about collge sports.

Reha switched jobs and no longer works soul crushing hours.

Thanks to the new Schick Quattro, my shave is closer than ever!

Nick and Jessica are still together. Wait, are they? They are. Yes. They are. Definately. Are. Wait, they aren’t. Really? Are you sure? OK, fine, they aren’t. Whatever. I think I’ll change to being grateful I don’t really care.

Dr. Peterson has a steady hand and didn’t poke my eyes out.

On the Internet, no one knows I’m a balding, late thirties dorky white guy. Oh, wait, they do. Damnit!

Power tools and the fact that I’m not Amish will get the remodel done before next Christmas.

I’m not the source on the Valerie Plame leak.

The iTunes Music Store began selling video. Now more folks will know the genius of “That’s So Raven!”

That I wiped the hard drive clean on the PC in my house before I became seriously addicted to World of Warcraft.

That Reha stills let me hang out with her even though I had awful gas the other night, though she did douse me in Febreeze™, which as I’ve said before is a wonderful product, but it kind of burns when you get it in your eyes.

Podcast of Marketplace. Man, I’m such a dork.

BBEdit

MC Frontalot Nerdcore Rise Up!

I have a job I enjoy and I get paid a decent wage.

Mostly, I’m thankful to have a wonderful and healthy family and that we are all together.

And now I’m all verklempt again and I’m grateful that I have a box of tissues near me to sop up these tears.

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/24/05 at 10:07 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

She Said It, I Promise

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

zapped

Monday, November 28, 2005

First Snow of 2005

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Death by Remodel

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Let’s take a moment and go around the table and say what we are thankful for

Proximus

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